MCC Athlete Wellness supports athletes returning to sport after injury
I heard the snap, tasted the salty tears, and wrestled with the reality that I was not going to wear my new heels to that night’s homecoming dance. Not because I was afraid of towering over my date, I was over that, but because I was 99.9% sure I had just torn my ACL.
As an athlete, you witness plenty of injuries happening around you. It comes along with the territory. You feel for your teammate or your opponent, but you secretly whisper praise under your breath that it was not you.
It felt like it had all caught up to me, and it was now my turn to be tested. My body and mind were about to face a challenge no one could have prepared me for: recovery. Crutches, surgery, hard casts, locked brace, walking brace, the list goes on and on. Recovery is often measured in weeks. After x number of weeks doing this thing, you can move on to the next thing. Sure, the physical stuff is tough. You are in pain, you are tired, you are sore, but you have been there before. Hard work is something you are accustomed to.
It is the mental component that adds a whole new layer. A layer that feels so heavy, sometimes you may want to crumble, disappear underneath it and throw in the towel on a dream you have had since a child.
The hardest part for me was finding the silver lining. My injury sidelined me for an entire season. The transition from holding a POV from the floor to a POV adjacent to a fan provoked anger. That is another thing with recovery: all sorts of emotions take over. Some you may have felt before and some that feel entirely new. One day, I woke up happy with relief that I was missing that day’s conditioning. The next day, or honestly a few hours later, I was beating myself with guilt that I had such a thought.
Oftentimes, we hear recovery is a process. Then, we hear that the said process is far from linear. As an athlete, that is hard to grapple with. We are used to putting in the work and seeing the results. For me, this really rang true when I graduated from physical therapy and was cleared to get back on the court.
Full speed. Full contact. Live. The real deal.
My family, coaches, trainers, and teammates were all thrilled to hear the news. I was struck with fear. Will it happen again? What if I suck? Do I even know how to do this? Doubt filled every ounce of my mind, which then translated to my body. When I was on the court, I was playing timidly. I was in my head questioning every single move I made. I began to wonder if I was ready, if I deserved to be back on the floor, and if I had worked hard enough to get to that point. I’d try to remind myself that the doctors would not have cleared me if I was not ready and that the process was not linear. Nothing worked. I was scared, tired, and ready to give up.
Now, years later, I know that therapy could have helped me with my return to the court–the same kind of therapy I have become empowered to provide. I specialize in working with elite athletes. Back then, my body was ready, but no one was there to help me put words to what my mind was trying to tell me. One thing MCC Athlete Wellness focuses on with clients is mental preparation when returning to sport after injury.
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