Some twenty-somethings are in school. Many aren’t. Some have college degrees. Many don’t. Some started jobs right out of high school, while others are debating applying for grad school. Some are just starting their first “adult job.” Some are climbing the corporate ladder, while others are making music in their parent’s basement. Some are saving lives in hospitals, and a few are selling their art at the farmers’ market. Some are getting a promotion, while others just got fired. Some feel like they are drowning in student loans and a few have a 401K account.
Some are still with their high school sweetheart, while many no longer are. Some have just swiped right on a dating app, and others swore off dating altogether. Some have just come out. Many still haven’t had a relationship. Several just announced they are engaged, a handful are married, and a few are divorced.
Some moved to a new city into a new apartment, many just moved back home with their parents, and a few bought their first house. Some have moved to the opposite side of the country, and many have never moved out of a five-mile radius of where they grew up.
Some are pet parents, and others are expecting a child. Some still text their best friend of ten-plus years every day, and a handful don’t talk to their childhood friend at all. Some are grieving a parent who passed, while several still call their parents every day. Many haven’t seen their families in months.
Some just went on a European vacation, and others have never been on an airplane. Some just bought a new car, and others have been driving the same car since they were 16. A few don’t own a car at all. Some have gained weight. Some have lost weight. Some go to the same local bar every Thursday, while many have vowed to be sober. Many are trying new hobbies, while a few stare at the half-knitted scarf they started two years ago. Some have turned to religion, and others have turned away. Some are doom-scrolling, and many deleted social media altogether.
Some feel out of place, and others feel in the right place. Some are trying new things, in new places, with new people. Some are doing the same old-same old in the same places, with the same people.
I read once that life is more like using a compass than a map (I know it can be cheesy, but hear me out). Both give directions, right? But they are different. A map has set directions, it tells you where to go and how to get there, and even sometimes lets you know what to expect at the end. A compass points you in the right direction, but there’s no end point; it is up to you how to navigate where to go and even how long you stay on one path. I think this applies heavily in your 20s.
Being in your 20s can often feel all over the place. That was kind of my point in the mishmash of words above. Your 20s are the first time in your life that you can actively choose the direction you want to take. The abundance of options may seem freeing and endless but can also be overwhelmingly paralyzing and anxiety-inducing. Not to mention how people are going in all different directions and at all different paces. The differences in pathways and the different paces people take can lead to this pointless comparison game. The worst part of this comparison game is that instead of a prize or trophy, you may get feelings of unworthiness, imposter syndrome, depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, self-doubt, etc. Sometimes that’s what being in your 20s can feel like. The fact of the matter is, more often than not, people feel that way, but they slap on a smile, go on with their day, and just don’t talk about it.
Your 20s are the first stepping stones into adulthood, so it’s more than just “okay” to not have it all figured out. Maybe it’s time to throw away that ten-year plan you wrote when you were 18 because looking at it only brings on a lot of those “unwanted feelings” I listed above. Maybe everything has changed. Maybe it’s all stayed the same. Maybe it’s a mix of the two. So much happens in early adulthood. I get it. Change is uncomfortable and scary because of the unknown, but it can lead to growth and new opportunities. Staying the same is comfortable but scary because of “what could have been”. So, it often poses the questions, “What do I do?” and “What is going on?”
Ever wonder where the “living in your 20s for dummies” book is when you need it? Welp, it’s certainly not on the coffee table collecting dust. So maybe it’s time to start drafting up your version of that book. Your 20s are the time for figuring it out, NOT for having it ALL figured out already. The funny thing is that the questions of “What do I do?” and “What is going on?” are recurring questions, not just in your 20s but throughout your life. So, try new things and cherish old ones, visit new places and feel nostalgic for the old ones, meet new people and strengthen the relationships that you already have. Use that compass of yours that I mentioned before and navigate your life. Maybe the start of that is by picking and actively choosing the people, places, and things that bring you joy, align with your values, and point you in the direction of the lifestyle you want and the person you want to be. It may never fully answer the big questions, but it sure will inch you closer to answering them in your own way.
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