Feeling like something has been left unfinished, unresolved, or worse, left in a way that you never wished or intended, can be painful. Being left to contemplate and make sense of the discomfort can feel overwhelming or disheartening. When a relationship ends, how do you process emotions and feelings that you are unable to resolve; how do you get closure?
It’s not easy. Permit yourself to completely and fully validate that what you are experiencing isn’t easy. There is no quick fix, and it is a process; some days will feel brutally hard, and others will feel like the storm lifted. However, there are some things you can do to help facilitate a healthier and more therapeutic journey.
- Write. Write a letter to the person telling them all you wish to say and express. You need not send it but express it for yourself. Perhaps you can then burn it, shred it or delete it while mindfully letting go.
- Act. If you have anything that reminds you of this person in a way that makes you feel sad or hurt, give it away, throw it away or get it out of your everyday space. You will feel better not when it’s not a potent reminder or trigger.
- Feel. When thoughts surface, it is human nature to immediately push negativity away by escaping, avoiding, medicating and rationalizing. Instead, see if you can let the emotion stay and surrender to it. Allow yourself to be angry, cry, disgusted, irritable, etc. Emotions and feelings do not stay — they pass thru us. They tend to get more significant when we resist or avoid them.
Many beautiful things can grow out of our deepest pain.
If you feel you are stuck, you can seek a professional counselor to help guide and support you through your pain. Lack of closure is one of the most discomforting feelings. Our heart, mind and soul are at peace when we align with who we are and how we show up in the universe. Sometimes, this means learning to accept our humanness, imperfections and mistakes. We can embrace and learn from our humility.
“Whatever happens to you, don’t fall in despair. Even if all the doors are closed, a secret path will be there for you that no one knows. You can’t see it yet but so many paradises are at the end of this path…Be grateful! It is easy to thank after obtaining what you want, thank before having what you want.”