Life after a divorce is hard, here are some tips on navigating life and relationships after a divorce.
The process of ending a relationship begins long before finding a lawyer, drafting divorce papers or signing the final documents. It’s normally an arduous legal and emotional roller coaster. Afterward, you are met with a new normal and a vast open uncertain future. Change is difficult and finding a new path can be exhilarating and terrifying.
Once you decide that you’re ready or ‘ready enough’ to start dating again take time to be introspective and understand the role you played in your last relationship(s). If you skip “doing the work” you’ll likely end up repeating the same mistakes, finding the same partner disguised in a different form, or remaining stuck in an attachment pattern that is unhealthy.
Attachments are sneaky because even unhealthy attachments can feel right just because they are familiar. Our intuition or “gut” feeling is programmed early in life and we aren’t even aware of the magnetic pull it has on us in all of our relationships. Fortunately, anxious and avoidant attachment patterns can move in the direction of secure attachments. Attachments are not set in stone they are malleable, treatable, and fluid.
Wondering what your attachment style is? You can take this quiz to find out more. Yes, attachment styles can change over time and therapy can help you identify unhealthy patterns and build awareness that can be used to make healthier choices in your life.