With so much emphasis on the state of our nation, humanity, and our willingness to “hold on tight,” we’re grappling with various parts of our being, all of which usually remain at a preconscious and unconscious level. If you’re someone who’s feeling imbalanced, whose fears and self-judgments are boiling up, this post about judgement may be applicable for you.
For the doers, go-getters, perfectionists, and overthinkers we’re not only faced to reckon with the state of our world, but the state of ourselves. For a society that puts such an emphasis on doing, moving, creating, and producing we’ve been forced to slow down. During what feels like an incubation period, several of us are involuntarily forced to be with our own thoughts for the first time. For many, that means reckoning with our inner critic, and struggling with the varying degree of wounds that placate us. When we’re not connecting with family, friends, peers, and colleagues in the ways we used to, we’re forced to connect with ourselves.
With so much emphasis on productivity as a societal norm, many of us feel like we’re coming up short. With more time in self-isolation comes an overwhelming feeling to do “more.” It’s easy to compare ourselves to others during this time as we’re connected to every sphere of virtual reality. To name a few, we might see a post or hear about someone’s new hobbies, achievements, at-home workout routines and/or ‘body goals.’ So naturally, we catch ourselves asking: What more can I do? How can I be, feel and do more? And when we fall short of what we expect our realities to look like, self-loathing can begin.
For those who are grappling with this kind of judgement of themselves, the weight feels heavier now more than ever. The overcritical self-loathing can happen so quickly, that you find yourself believing this narrative. In whatever capacity you may be struggling, I want you to know you are not alone. Instead of giving this story room to breathe, the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is to hold compassion for the parts we judge the greatest. By putting more emphasis on producing, we are giving less to the state of our mental well-being. Take the time to nourish the parts that are suffering. Take the time to care for the parts we reject.
For many, acknowledging these parts are scary, and caring for them is even harder. To hold compassion in the places we so badly want to alter, is one of the most selfless things we can do. Where screen time is heavy, and life has derailed “routine,” we forget to ask ourselves what we need. When we give so much energy to everything else in our lives, we often forget to care for ourselves. What energy you have left, guard it. You’re allowed to give that to you. Ask yourself what you need, what boundaries (if any) are necessary. In doing so, you’re honoring the parts that need more healing and self-compassion.
As my former Professor and Perfectionism Lab Leader might say, for the doer’s, seekers, ‘go-getters,’ and over-critical thinkers, your “best” is simply enough. What you can give in this very moment is enough. And even when you feel you’re at your wits’ end, you are enough.