During this lockdown, life is moving at a surreal pace with a lost sense of time and space and I have been hyper-focused on the existential meaning of it all. What are we supposed to be learning from this altered state of being?
As a therapist who focuses on attachments in relationships, this might be the most insightful real-life experiment on what it truly means to lack human connection. I think it is fair to say that we all have felt a sense of loss related to our needs, connections, and attachments.
After weeks of social distancing, most of my clients are “over it” — they don’t want to “be” in this place anymore. What I’ve come to find is that “being” in this place is deeply related to one’s relationship with oneself.
Attachment isn’t just about how you relate to others, but also about your relationship with yourself. Our attachment to ourselves shows up in how we treat and interact with our thoughts and our body and how we honor our wellbeing.
During times of loss, we are most vulnerable and raw. Our pain and suffering bubbles to the surface because we no longer have the resources and defenses to manage it. Maybe we’ve mastered the art of distracting ourselves from feeling our truth and filled ourselves up with things such as shopping, sex, drugs and working. Do those distractions honor our thoughts, body and wellbeing?
Thoughts: Our thoughts become feelings and our feelings impact how we behave.
Body: How we treat our body sends a message about how we love and value it as a vessel to thrive.
Wellbeing: Having an ever-expanding mindset that we change, evolve and grow each day allows space and opportunity to elevate our overall wellbeing. Do you wake up each day with a growth mindset?
Here is where the mental “work” comes in. If we stay in a state of loss for too long or in a “stuck” mindset, we then only see scarcity. We have to work a little harder to find abundance, growth, and possibilities.
How to Examine Our Attachment to Oneself:
What messages do you tell yourself?
How attached are you to these beliefs about yourself?
Do these thoughts impact your life choices, behavior and outcomes?
This exercise can be for both positive and negative beliefs. If you recognize a positive belief explore how this belief has helped you manifest your wants and desires. Now, do the same for your negative beliefs.
I encourage you to explore your relationship with yourself and your attachment to beliefs that impact how you interact with the world. Where are these beliefs helping and hindering you?
If you need help to explore this process further I’d be honored to help guide you through the process. You can reach me at Hilary@millenniumhope.com.
